Thankful

many people on blogs and facebook posted what they are thankful for each day in November.  i often thought about what i was thankful for but never posted.  today since it is the first of December (posted only 12 days later... yes, slacker) and I need to live up to my slacker mom title, i want to reflect and post on what I am thankful for from the past month.

i am thankful for my wonderful little girls.  they are sweet, charming, entertaining, loving, and so much more.  they challenge me and they warm my soul.  they are truly precious gifts to me.  even if some days i would like to post a sign that says 'free - you haul' on the back of the 4 year old.

i am thankful for an understanding husband.  he knows i am weird and loves me anyway.  he knows that i also kick ass too.

i'm a nut

i went in to little nut's room to wake her up to nurse her.  it is my morning ritual before i head off to work.  she was sound asleep and was pure lead to pick up.  i then sat down in our rocking chair and she nursed.  then when i went to put her back into her crib.  she had her eyes wide open and she gave me the biggest, most sincere, love-full grin.   she is full of these sweet smiles that make me smile and warm me from within.  i was worried that she was now wide awake and wouldn't want me to put her down.  but, then i laid in her in crib and she snuggled her 'sweet pea' toy and went back to sleep.

it is one thing that has kept a smile on my face today.  she is such a sweet and loving little nut.

Xmas 2010 Card

Colorful Joy 2010 Christmas

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Peek-a-boo!

the machine

i don't know when the official last day was, but the machine was getting used less and less.  i had intentions of using it.  then i got hit with a lot of work that had to be done like yesterday and today it was too late and you can't step away for two seconds to pee let alone to take time to pump.  seriously... i got a text message while i went to the bathroom asking where i was because i had important business types lurking around my desk and then asking others where i was.  yeah, sometimes work gets a little crazed.

so, last week i packed up the machine and the spare bottles, breast shields (what kind of term is that anyway?!  it brings to mind images of armor intended to shield from arrows and bows or a riot police shield.  but this is a shield only because of it's shape - not meant to protect the boob from flying objects.), storage bags and tubing.  and now it sits in my spare bedroom.  i want to sell it on craigslist but am feeling oddly attached to it.  finding myself thinking... what if i just used once in the morning.  what if i NEEEEEEED it.  what if we go out and i should really pump to keep up my supply.  what if, what if, what if...

my lil one is over a year old and she loves to nurse.  she will put her hands down my shirt and grab for them if i don't immediately give her milk when she frantically signs milk with both hands. so i really think it is time to 'let go'.  i was never in love with pumping but i think it is a milestone that i haven't completely accepted.  my baby is growing up and the time was short.  the frozen milk is almost gone.

it is time to get rid of the machine.

am I evil

yes I am...(song continues to play)

I really, really, really, really want to buy cloth diapers for two of my friends that are having babies.  One is completely anti-cloth and the other one probably just doesn't know much about them.  I think the one who is anti-cloth would be upset with me and would want to return them right away without giving them a shot.  I just am so pro-cloth and a wee bit fanatical about them. 

I know I have heard the one anti-cloth friend say that my daughter stinks when she is in a cloth diaper.  So, yeah, that was my fault.  I haven't been doing a great job at getting the stink out of the diapers lately.  It is more lazy momma than anything else.  I did one really sanitizing load and it cured the stink.  So, really that stink factor should be nill.  But, stink does happen even to the best of us cloth diapering mommas.  Now the only stink factor is poop.  Which whoo boy!  poop happens.

Another anti-cloth sentiment is that she has read it causes more stress on the wash machine.  Part of me says well... maybe.  But, do you put jeans in your laundry with the rivets and the zippers and the heavy duty jean material?  I think so.  And jeans are so heavy and they are hard on clothes... which reminds me that you are supposed to wash jeans separately than other clothes because it will damage the clothing fibers over time.  So, I don't think my wash machine will be any less fantastic or be shorter lived because I do a load of diapers every night for a couple of years.  Actually, I think you are supposed to use wash machines.

I am debating about just asking anti-cloth friend if she would use them if I got them for her.  Granted, she may not want to hurt my feelings but it could be worth asking.  Otherwise I will just buy them for her and if she wants to return them... so be it.  Then the second part of the decision... maybe the hardest... which one to buy?!!

cake and tarts

I made several desserts this weekend for Nat's first birthday...  one was a cake wreck that I did not get a picture of.  (thinking back on it, I should have)  The follow up to the cake wreck was a set of cupcakes decorated by Big Sister. 

And the third dessert was the fruit tarts... Here is a picture of my fruit tarts

They were delicious and all those who ate one enjoyed them.  They were pretty enough, but today I was reading one of my favorite food bloggers - Cookie Baker Lynn and she had a picture of her tarts...   These are what my tarts dream to look like.

a year gone by

My baby turned 1 yesterday.  I am in awe of how time flies and how much I am ill prepared.  I don't have any birthday celebration planned for today for our family.   I am feeling happy that I enjoyed the past year as much as I could and sad that I didn't write more daily about my little girl.  How much love we have for her and how much she has challenged us.

Things about Natalie:
  - She's a fighter.  She didn't take to the bottle for two months when I went back to work.  She is stubborn and willfull. But, it was good when she had RSV and her fighting attitude was so good to see even at 5 months old.
- She's a happy girl.  She often has a smile on her face and melts hearts wherever she goes.  Daddy often takes her to the grocery store and most people can't help but stop and flirt with her.
-She loves music.  Loves, loves, loves music.  She will stop and dance (shake her booty) or clap her hands when we turn on any number of tunes.

-She is a light sleeper... and still doesn't sleep through the night.  I personally blame the not sleeping through the night on the no bottle taking during the day and waiting to stock up when I was home during evening and the night.
-She liked to fall asleep snuggled up under my armpit when she was in our bed.  Then when she slept in her crib, before I put her down she would pull my head to her cheek so we were cheek-to-cheek while I would rock her.
-She has 4 teeth but they didn't come in all at once.
-She hasn't fully mastered walking on her own but is getting braver at it by the day.

Happy Birthday Natalie!

changing daily

Nat has figured out how to climb the stairs.  Saturday she got frustrated because she couldn't climb the stairs after her sister, but last night she just started going up the stairs like she had been doing it all along.

 Good thing I was being an attentive parent at this point, because when she got to the third stair she slipped and I caught her before she slipped the entire way down the stairs.

crap I find funny

Reading a response to All & Sundry's post about sleeping through the night, I nearly choked trying not to laugh out loud.

Here is a snippet:

The thing is, when people DO follow the books and are all, “I DID THIS. MY KID IS DREAM SLEEPER!” and take CREDIT for their miraculous sleeping child, I kind of want to punch them, because, sorry, people. Sometimes you do everything “right” and still get the shit end of things. So wipe that smug look off your face. YOU GOT LUCKY, BITCH.

No, no, Nat

The past week or so, little miss Nat has learned 'No'.  She shakes her head like she is saying no when you tell her 'No, no Nat'.  It is pretty funny in that she looks a little like a bobble head doll.  So, Daddy likes to tell her No for all kinds of things.   which gets the head shake and a big ol' smile.

9 months

Little miss Nat went to her 9 month checkup this week.  We didn't have any concerns so it was just a standard measurement and peek around visit.

Height/Length: 28 1/4 (75%)
Weight: 18lb 8 oz (50%)
Head circ: 17 inch (30%)

Everything looks good.  She isn't really crawling, but rolling and army crawling everywhere.  She has her own means of getting around.  She is saying 'Da da da da'.  Sticking her tongue out and playing with it.

She is a goof ball.  She is very ticklish and has an awesome chuckle. 

Cloth Cost

It is cheaper to cloth diaper your child!  I have read so many different sites and perused different articles about 'cost of diapering'.  Included are different points about paper and bleach and water usage, etc.

I really liked this chart about the cost for cloth diaper packages.  It really is awesome.  Check it out here!
 It says with the cloth system I am using, I average about $0.18 per diaper change and that is INCLUDING energy costs.  Compared to the cost of disposables at about $0.36 per diaper change.  I am saving approximately $1300 for this child alone for the entire time she is diapered.  It doesn't include the cost savings of the diapers I saved from my first child OR the diapers I sold after I sized up.

Have I mentioned I love cloth diapers?

cloth and leaks...

I am a little bit of a cloth diaper fanatic.  I hate the smell of Pampers... although I used them when we were in the hospital.  I am totally grossed out by those gel balls in disposables - super absorbent polymer gel.

I have many reasons to love cloth dipes and I don't think people really get it until they try them on their own children.

One main concern I have read and heard...

Do they leak?  well, not usually.  but, I think I have had way more diaper leaks with disposables.  Plus, I don't let my child sit very long in a cloth diaper (except at night).  I think it is easier to let a child sit in a disposable that absorbs a shed load of water than it is a cloth diaper.  But, eeewww I wouldn't want to sit in my own waste, so why would I want to let my child sit in it?

*and at night, I let her go all night in a wet diaper.  If I smell poop she gets changed.  It has been so nice to get sleep... mistakes learned from first child.  If they don't need to be changed at night, don't.

OH!  And sitting in waste, it can be a tad bit more difficult to 'smell' poop's arrival in a disposable diaper than a cloth.  And seriously, the diaper rash that can be associated with sitting in poop for an infant is nasty.  It can be red and blistery.  And then after that rash trying to wipe that kids tush?  NO THANK YOU!

future's so bright

I have to wear shades...

never

as i hold you, trying to comfort you into sleeping i think...

• my arms will never get tired of holding you
• my legs will never need to rest
• my eyes will never grow weary
• my heart will never be full
  

just like her sister

natalie enjoying a pint... some say she takes after her sister. i say she takes after her dad.

prunes

both girls love prunes...

I don't remember having fed them to Kendal before but Natalie loves them. I give some to Natalie and Kendal asks for some.

crazy.

medicine

child, just take your medicine. it tastes like bubble gum!

i know i am forcing you to take it, but the spitting it out really makes this process a lot longer.

your sister loved taking medicine and still does... can you be like her just this once?

how many more days do we have to fight this battle?!

sitting up

Kendal received this piano for her first Christmas from Vovo and Vova. We have had it in Natalie's room for quite some time now. Usually Kendal plays it while Natalie lays on the floor and watches her big sister play. This morning I sat Natalie at the piano and let her play while Kendal slept. I kept a close eye on her from topping over for awhile, but then I decided I wanted to chance it. She sat up the whole time by herself while I went to get the camera. She played for about 15 minutes at the piano.

mom and me

it may be morbid, but i think about how my girls will remember me. is it the love that i give them, the smiles and the hugs. or is it the ill temper and the yelling (yes, I have succumbed to yelling). how much i was away from home or that we snuggled close on the couch. this picture makes me think of those things. i don't have make up on or look all put together, but i have love in my face and joy in my heart for my little natalie.

roll over... roll over

Finally! she rolled from back to front. I put her down on the floor on her back and she was quiet. She has rolled from front to back for quite some time. The back to front has been a wee bit elusive. She even got her arms out. one small milestone.

RSV

We had two trips to the ER and two hospital stays due to RSV - Respiratory syncytial virus.

Thursday 2/4 Ryan and Kendal took MT Nana to the airport. Itty bitty was kind of fussy all day and by the evening she was breathing really hard. As soon as Ryan walked in the door from the airport I left for the ER.

In the ER, the doctors hooked up Natalie to an oxygen sensor and her numbers were pretty good. Then took an x-ray and an RSV swab test. We ended up about 4 hours in the ER. And about 1 in the morning they admitted Natalie to the hospital. She had a breathing treatment and some supplemental oxygen. I ended up watching her monitors for hours and falling asleep for a few hours.

Friday morning we went home. The doctors told us that it probably would get worse. So we went home and rode the roller coaster of getting better a bit and then getting worse. We tried to suction out the snot from her nose and feed her from a syringe (since she wouldn't nurse).

Saturday we called the doctors and they said to come in. But, we decided she got better enough to stay home.

Sunday we woke up, showered and went to the ER. I think at one point there were over 8 people in the room. There was no pneumonia and one nurse said that we were on the way to pneumonia if we waited any longer. Natalie was dehydrated and needed an IV. She was very lethargic due to the dehydration as well. She was also put on supplemental oxygen again. And then we were admitted to the hospital again. At this point, we just wanted her to be better. It is so hard to see your child sick.

Monday... another day in the hospital.
Tuesday... another day in the hospital. But, taken off of IV in early afternoon. Then that night she was taken off of oxygen.

Wednesday... we went home. We had our smiling baby again.

Hospital Baby

This is the face that they let leave the hospital this morning. It was a much happier face than what entered the ER last night. This face looked a lot healthier and even had a smile.

Yesterday, was a long day...

Best Dream Ever

Sometimes I remember my dreams. Sometimes I remember bits and pieces. In the middle of this dream, I realized I was dreaming. And told myself to just roll with it.

I was in the car with the hubby when Ron and Don announced a contest to win a million dollars. And hubby said to call in... just to do it. I did and we won.

And then I didn't really 'believe' it. I wanted to have the money in hand before I believed it. We got the money and this was when I realized it was a dream. I told my husband that I wanted a third child and that we were going to go to Monaco. Monaco is one of our dream trips. And we paid off all our debt.

A girl can dream...

back to work

I am officially back to work after 15 weeks off with my little girl. And the return to work this time is rough. My Mom is here to help take care of both girls, but my little spit fire will not take a bottle.

So, I failed to head the warnings from the wonderful hubby that we should give itty bitty more bottles. I thought I was doing the right thing for her and I by establishing an on-demand breastfeeding scenario. So, I basically had given itty bitty 2 bottles in three months.

Which leads us to the screaming, face scratching, hair pulling, bottle strike for 11 hours on my work days. We have tried different people, different bottles, different nipples, sippy cups, swaddling, distraction and most techniques we could think of. I have called the lactation consultant and tried her ideas to no avail.

So, each work day is a dreaded, stressful day for all members of the household.

cloth diapers

last night ryan put natalie in a paper diaper because her cloth ones were not completely dry and guess what... it leaked. :S reason #2 I love cloth diapers... less leaks.